An Admittion

I admit to a habit.  I sit at my keyboard 2 or 2 1/2 hours a day.  Usually it is practice, but several days a week I volunteer at Senior Centers her in Santa Fe where I play an old 6 ft. grand.   it allows me to remember the joy or playing on a real piano.  I sold my 5 ft. grand when I moved here.  I love my keyboard.  I can hear the sound of up to 124 instruments on it. set it to do percussionkl, and it has the keyboard feel of a piano.  But...it isn't the same.  However, I can sit a my keyboard or at a piano for many hours and never come away tired.  I come away energized.

I suffer from depression.  I always have.  I didn't know that until late in life, and I was given medication.  It took away my depression.  It also took away my joy.  I decided to deal with it myself and gave up the medication.  It was difficult.  It is still difficult.  I am dealing with it now ... and it will go on for the next two or four weeks.  But...I will survive.  I always will.  And it is music that will save me.

Music for me is a substitution for words and for emotions...it is a substitute for what others use as an expression of their feelings...hidden from most.   I can remain real, ... yet remain hidden and private from most.  Hopefuly, it all remains subtle...